How Marriage Changes Nothing - and Everything

On weekend I read an article about how getting married changes nothing and everything. I think this article is smart and worth of reading. I myself have been married now for (let me count) nearly six weeks, so this is really a current issue for me.

For my experience getting married has not changed that much. My life is still the same and I haven't changed as a person. Our relationship is still the same, but now we have the deeper commitment to each other. For me the point getting married is the commitment and love that two people have for each other. The promise they make to each other.

Back to the article though..

It is written by Kathleen O'connor. Here is a quote from the article: "My first clue that things were now different occurred at the reception. An older relative walked up to me and asked when we were planning on having children. I laughed, thinking she was kidding, but she wasn’t. I was able to shrug off the question, for after all, my marriage was merely a few hours old. Didn’t certain things have to occur before that was even a possibility? And hadn’t I been within eyesight all afternoon?"

Still another quote that I find so on point: "At his male-dominated office, my husband is now included in the rounds of mild complaining about wives, and just before our wedding was given a bottle of Scotch with the comment, “You’ll need this.” He chose to perceive it as an indication he would need it at the office, which we both know is not what they meant. On some level I think they are in awe he continues to attend his weekly guys’ night with some old college buddies where they play video games and eat takeout. I’m usually out that night too, so why shouldn’t he be? And why is there this assumption that I’m letting him do it, rather than recognizing he’s still an autonomous, decision-making adult with same interests as before?"

Like Kathleen O'connor writes in her article it's not the relationship or feelings that change when getting married. The change happens in the values that society puts on the relationship. She writes: "It opened us up to gender stereotypes of our roles as “husband” and “wife” but didn’t change the fact that we are partners to each other with no expectations about traditional roles. Our marriage is ours alone, but the actual formal commitment to one another changed everything around us."

You can read the whole article here.

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